Lowest Form of Wit
by Shadows and Ghosts
Summary: Zhen is at a school pep rally with her brother Zephyr and friend Ash, when an event sparks a series of events, where they end up in a not-so-familiar place. Summery sucks and is subject to change, rating, title and genres too. maybe pairings?
1. Chapter 1

OK, so this is my first Fan fiction whatsoever, so please, questions, comments, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism please~

Any and ALL credit goes to Hiromu Arakawa, the creator of FMA, Viz media, the publisher, and Funimation for the English dub, and the Japanese dubbing company for the Japanese dub, and all those other wonderful companies who helped make FMA what it is now~

(insert Line Here)

"It seems like a crappy show to me" Jack said, as I finished explaining to him, via writing, Fullmetal Alchemist. I sighed. Not like it was his fault he sported a very confused look on his face

It seems that every time that I try to say something that makes any sense, even if it does, no one seems to get it. Like I am writing in a foreign language, lost to everyone except me. And that's not just because my writing was messy, because it's not. 'Why is this?' is the only thing I can wonder before I am thrown into a world of confusion, as the skylight above me in the gym basically exploded. Everyone in there for the pep rally (which I find strange to have in FEBUARY) ducked and ran from the gym. Which include me, until, that is, I realized my black hooded floor-length coat (which went to five or six inches past my feet, dragging behind me) had fallen to the floor underneath the bleachers. I ran under there to get my jacket, and my twin brother, Zephyr, and our freshman friend Ash followed me, which was smart, considering we were well hidden from the reason for everyone to be rushing out of the room. Someone who looks suspiciously like the armored Barry the chopper from the FMA anime/manga/novel series (yes, there is a novel. No, I haven't read it) had come crashing through with what also looked suspiciously like a butcher's knife. Everyone froze when he spoke. No, not because of his voice.

"Alright!" he yelled, pointing his knife to everyone. He defiantly sounded like  
Barry. "Where is the brat Zhen!" no one made a sound, or moved an inch. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath. "Someone must know her, or at least where she is! She goes to this school! Sophomore, 15 years old? " he growled. I almost laughed, no one of this school knew me as Zhen, as me. They knew me as Zephyr's twin sister, or as Ash's friend.

He must have been getting really annoyed, because he threw his knife at the principal, not hitting him. Barely. People almost screamed. Some did, including (to my immense satisfaction) the school slut Audrey and jerk jock Calvin.

(A/N: No offence to any Audreys or Calvins out there, just two random names.)

"What do you want her for?" a girl no one really liked asked in a disgusted tone "She's a nobody. She probably ran away a while ago.

"Well, it's either her or all of you." He said. Then, he pointed the knife at her. "Are you by any chance her?" he asked excitedly. "My boss will be happy if you are!"

"Yes she is!" some random person yelled, and in the blink of an eye she was decapitated.

(Thar be a line here!)

OK, yah it's uber uber short, but that's all I Can write right now, because I don't really know what to write, and it means I can leave an awesome cliff hanger~ So, because I'm not as magic as I'd like to think I am, I don't exactly know what you want to read, so tell me what you'd like to see please~


	2. Chapter 2

OK so, yah sorry about how long it is between uploads, but I can't write if I don't know what to write. You readers need to tell me what to write… REVIEW GOSH DARNIT! Or else short chapters and far between.

Disclaimer: am I Hiromu Arakawa? No. so Do I own? As much as I wish, No. If I did, it wouldn't exist. Or it would suck.

I DO however, own Ash, Zephyr and Zhen.

(linelinelineline:3)

(3rd person PoV)

Zhen's eyes widened as the girl's head and body fell to the floor in a bloody mess. Ash covered her mouth with her hands, and Zephyr's eyes narrowed in disgust towards the metal suit in disgust, his fists closed so tightly that the knuckles were white.

Before anyone could say anything, however, black arm-like tendrils reached down from the broken skylight and reached to the killer, taking him up to god knows where.

The next thing they heard was the voice of someone talking to the police. They all turned to see Zephyr on the phone. Ash and Zhen were pushing through the crowd to the body of the girl, Zhen looking utterly horrified, and awfully guilty. She kneeled down at the body and Ash did crowd control, keeping other students back from ripping her head off.

She stared at the head for a good few minutes, before saying something, for the first time in months.

"That should have been me." The words slipped from her lips with pure truth. It should have been.

The walk home was uneventful, and silent, except for the sound of the snow crunching beneath their feet, and their breath. Zhen was walking between Ash and Zephyr. The conversation between them and the police reeling through their heads.

_Flashback_

"_Miss…Zhen was it?" Zhen nodded "I am Officer Akin, and I need to ask you a few questions" Zhen nodded again. He took out a pen and paper, to make notes. "did you know that person?" she shook her head no. "Do you know why he, or anyone, would want to kill you?" another no. "Where are your parents?" I gave him a blank look and dragged my finger across my neck in a 'dead' motion. "dead?" nod yes. "Do you speak?" "I looked at him as if he were an idiot and shook my head no. He sighed, annoyed. "Well, you are free to go. And we've already questioned your friend and brother. You are free to go._

_End flashback_

"So," Zephyr began "we have one dead girl over our hands, and someone who wants to kill Zhen. On top of that he looks like a character from an anime." Zhen nodded.

"But my question is how a FICTIONAL character came to this world. Unless that freaky door actually exists. Which actually seems more and more likely." Ash said. Another nod from Zhen.

Zephyr was about to say something when all of a sudden, the armor chopper rounded the corner.

"Ah!" he said "You! You're the Real Zhen! I have to chop_ you_ up now!" he was, by now, pointing his knife at Ash.

Zephyr sighed, and Zhen face-palmed. "A true idiot, aren't ye?" Ash said, sounding a bit like an old sailor or pirate.

"Eh?" the Chopper said, as Zephyr and Ash pointed to Zhen "Oh! So _you're_ the brat! Kind of short eh?"

Zhen's eye twitched. "I presume she's say something like 'howwa bout I BREAK OFF those legs, then who will be shorter?' However, she's not a certain fictitious pipsqueak-midget, eh?" Ash said, jokingly. Zhen's lips twitched upwards at the corner, into a second-long smirk.

The armor was already off on some other little rant or something. But the three children were sending each other glanced that spoke paragraphs. Zhen gave a quick nod. This the armor saw.

"HEY!" 'Barry' yelled, gaining their attention "Were you even listening to me?" three heads shook no. The Barry-the-Chopper look-alike let out a sound of annoyance, and charged.

(lineplz :3)

Ok, so another cliffie. Sorry it took so long, I wasn't aware I got any reviews! Ehehe o wait- I DIDN'T get any. Sadface. The more reviews I get, that tell me what you like, and/or would like to see, the sooner I can get chapters out. And the longer they'll be *le gasp*. So press that pretty button down thar!


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this takes so friggin' long to update~ 3

Disclaimer: FMA not mine.

(ohhhh!sorryilosttheline)

As the Chopper was charging, the three kids ran all in different directions. Ash to the left, Zephyr to the right, and Zhen ran straight ahead. Barry was slow and big, and Zhen was small and fast. So the theory was that she could run quickly, slide between his legs and out the other side before he could swing his knife.

However, this slightly backfired, as he caught her left arm, right below her shoulder. The cut was deep enough to be bleeding quite a bit, but not deep enough to require stiches.

But this didn't stop Zhen from running.

She ran forward, climbing up a tree to the roof of a house. The armor was trying to chop down the tree she was on, but he wasn't fast enough. She got on the roof and started roof-jumping- which was fairly easy considering it was upon houses which were close together, two to four feet in between.

"Come back here! My boss wouldn't like it if I failed this time!" he yelled

_Who is his boss_ Zhen wondered. A_nd more importantly, why do they want me to die?_ But the questions must be saved for later, as she was currently trying not to die, because living is good.

Then, by a stroke of luck, the armor had suddenly been sucked through a gate that had suddenly appeared on the ground. Once the armor was gone, it closed and disappeared.

Zhen whistled loudly, and Ash and Zephyr came to her sides, much like ninjas, she observed.

"well, that's over with… hopefully…" Zephyr said.

"Ugh, this sounds like a fan fiction" Ash said, and Zhen nodded in agreement.

"Well, anyhow, we might want to lay low for a while. This might mean we'll have to take off for a while. Are you both ok with that?" Zephyr asked, tacking his role as 'group leader'. We nodded. I wasn't going to die yet. And no one else was going to die for me. I had a feeling, as if this was a test. And if my feeling was right, I wasn't going to fail this test. And my feelings were rarely wrong.

"Right, well, I have some stuff already packed. We were going to have a sleepover, but I guess that plan's scraped." Ash replied.

Zhen moved her hands in a series of movements, different from sign-language (their own secret code so to speak).

"Sure, thirty minutes by the woods sounds good." Zephyr said, deciphering the motions rather quickly.

"Make that 15, kids" Ash said as she saw some police comeing.

"Crap. Right, Scatter!" Zephyr said, as the three ran off in three different directions.

Fifteen minutes later, the three were at the selected spot, up high in one of the tallest trees, talking softly.

"So, what did you bring Ash?" Zephyr asked, motioning to her back pack.

"Satellite cellphone bought under a different name with cash, a solar panel, two books of matches, a lighter, two other outfits, along with what I'm wearing right now, and two wigs. And a few books." She said. "You?"

"About $2000 saved up, a book of matches, another outfit, a wig, books and my phone."

Zhen gave a list to Ash to look at, since Zephyr already knew.

_Another outfit, two wigs, $1400, laptop, charger, solar panels, magic and alchemy book (boredom) and a novel. Along with the home-made spark gloves, and four cans of aerosol stuff (flamethrowers), and maps of the state, country, and of the surrounding states._

"Right. So, where are we going first. I overheard some police saying they believe we're the cause of the murder, and we are being held responsible, which translates to life sentence, since they're counting ten other murders by our little friend." Ash said, and Zhen unfolded a map.

Zhen pointed to a location a few hours walk away. Zephyr nodded.

"Uh, guys" Ash said. They looked at her then to where she was liking "We're not gonna get there, methinks"

Before them stood The Gate, The eyes looking at them seemed to be laughing.

Ok, so that's it for now. Wanna get this up as soon as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, so I started this just after I finished and posted chapter 3. Let's see when it gets posted 3

BTW, all the names in here that I used (e.g. Zhen, Alde, Aldegund, Gunvor, etc) are all real names. I found them on this nifty site called behindthename dot com

I can promise that the next one won't be out as fast :3

Disclaimer: *insert generic disclaimer here*

_"Uh, guys" Ash said. They looked at her then to where she was liking "We're not gonna get there, methinks"_

_Before them stood The Gate, The eyes looking at them seemed to be laughing._

Zhen looked up to see the large gate, and before it stood a figure of white.

"welcome child" The voice said. Zhen bowed. "My, my, such manners. So you know who I am?" she nodded. Truth chuckled. "Then you know that I need payment. From you and your brother I need three limbs. You get to choose. I'm being nice today." Zhen's shoulder's slumped and she looked down. She knew it would be painful, and she knew she was more sensitive to pain than her brother, but…

Zhen pointed to her left arm and right leg.

"trying to be different then Elric, eh?" she shrugged. "Right. Your brother choose his left arm. Ash choose her sight." Zhen nodded. "Do you know where you're going?" She shook her head no "Amestris" the smirking Truth said.

Zhen blinked a few times, and nodded. She then notices Truth was in front of her, and smirked. Truth seemed confused, until they realized that Zhen was hugging them.

"what's this for?" Truth asked when [he] was released

(A/N: I don't know whether Truth is a male or female, so I just put he because that's what I'm assuming)

Zhen shrugged.

"Well, you better get going" Truth said, and she was sucked through the Gate.

All at once, it fell as if her head was going to explode and implode at the same time, as new knowledge of alkehestry and alchemy were being forced into her head, as much as she could fit for her price.

All the while her mouth was open in a silent scream.

When Zhen opened her eyes, she was in a bed in a white room, with an IV in her right arm. She looked around, and saw Zephyr and Ash sitting near the foot of her bed.

"Ah, she's awake" Zephyr said, and then smacked the back of her head. "Why did you choose to take the two limbs when you knew about the pain!" The he sighed. "I know, you can't answer, and it was probably for some reason you can't explain. Just…. You nearly bled to death."

Zhen looked at her right hand, and then looked at Her brother, with a new determination in her eyes. He knew very well what she was thinking: Automail. But she knew first they'd have to pay off the hospital, and therefor get jobs. Which is hard when you're missing a limb or two, or your sight.

Zephyr sighed. He knew they'd need Automail or some sort of prosthetic. Too bad they were in South city, not Rush Valley.

Zhen poked him, and motioned for 'backpack'

"Don't worry they're safe in here." He said, then the doctor walked in.

"oh, I see you're up miss…"

"Aldegund" Zephyr said for her. The doctor raised an eyebrow. "she doesn't speak, sir"

"Ah," he said. "very well, Mr Blaine. I presume you are her brother than?"

"Yes"

"and is Miss Gunvor here your other sister?"

"Yes, she's older than Alde by a year, younger than I by a year also." He said, smiling at the twitch in Zhen's eye. In truth, Ash is a year younger than Zhen and Zephyr

"Right. Well, I am Dr. Brant." He said "I am your doctor for now, so if you have any questions you can just ask me." Zhen took a look at the doctor. He seemed to be in his 30s or 40s, with lighter brown hair that was beginning to grow grey. He had that look to him, as if he'd been in the army at some point in time.

Zhen nodded, and smiled lightly. The doctor gave a sympathetic smile, and turned and walked out the door.

As soon as the door shut, Zhen stuck her tong out, in a mocking fashion. She hated sympathy, and gave none, as part of her 'give none get none' policy.

Zhen sighed, wishing she could talk

Zhen was a mute, but she wasn't incapable of talking. Her vocal cords were as normal as Zephyr's, but what stopped her from talking was something else, something in her brain. She was in an accident when she was younger, she was hit by a car that was speeding on a neighborhood street, and fell into a shock-induced comatose, which they believe is partly to blame for her shortness, which caused the highschooler to be mistaken for a middleschooler quite often. It wasn't a sore spot though, she joked about it herself.

A few days went by, and Zhen was finally allowed to be checked out of the hospital, but there was one problem.

"Sir, I'm afraid there is no way currently that we'd be able to pay you currently for your services." Zephyr said to Mr. Brant.

"Don't worry. You said you have amnesia, and you do have the head wounds to back that story up. The military will cover your expenses this time. But you won't be so lucky next time."

"You wouldn't happen to know where we can get some Automail for free, would you?" Ash asked, holding onto Zephyr's shirt to know where she's going.

"Ah, sorry. Maybe if you go into Rush Valley, you might find someone willing to do it for free, since that's the Automail capital of Amestris"

"ok, we'll head that way. Thanks, doc." Ash said, as they began to walk away. Zhen was one a crutch on her right side, to replace her missing leg temporarily.

They each had a backpack strung over their shoulder, except Zhen, whose backpack was on Ash's other shoulder.

As they embarked on their journey to Rush valley, they had acquired an Amestrian map, and a new knowledge of their predicament, and new knowledge from the Gate.

Ok, so that didn't take long. In reality I finished writing this the same day I started, the same night I uploaded chap 3.

Well, hope you enjoyed.


End file.
